Compromise is a tricky thing. Sure, you cannot expect everything to go your way. But finding a balance between unreasonable and bending over backwards can often be hard. Women especially seem to fall into over-compromising; perhaps believing it is better to maintain peace in relationships than ask for what they want.

Often, I have been asked why I will not compromise on a list of “must haves” I look for when dating. Some people even go as far to tell me my list is just wrong, and will weed out so many men that I won’t have any left to date. It can be hard to stand up and say, I want this, and I am going to get it, damn it! Personally, I don’t feel looking for a man whom reads books is all that extreme.

I have found that when I do compromise, even a little, telling myself that I can check off other “must haves” and characteristics not on the list make up for those missing, the relationship inevitably comes up short. It’s hard to keep something going when you know in your gut things are amiss or missing. No amount of yoga can teach you to bend your will; bent far enough, and everything breaks at some point. Empathy and care cannot make up for a lack of those things you know will make you happy.

Rather than listening to the crowd tell you that compromise is key in life, hold your convictions fast to your chest, and give your heart when it is truly earned. There’s nothing wrong with deciding you are just not into him; hell, men apparently do this all the time. It is through no failure of yours if he’s not stacking up to what you are looking for. Have the courage to make your “must haves” the non-compromises in your life.

As some of the best advice I have received on dating, proclaimed by male friend, goes: A real man will treat you how you want to be treated, not how he wants to be treated or how he thinks you should be treated, but how you want to be treated. A real man won’t balk when confronted with your “must haves.” He knows he’s either got them or he doesn’t, and it’s no personal affront if he doesn’t. Save your compromising for those hurdles every couple faces; don’t start a relationship from a compromised foundation.