Monthly Archives: May 2011

Date 3

So many rules guide social interaction between men and women/boys and girls in today’s US society. Perhaps the rule with the greatest social and personal implications is the question of when a woman (or girl) decides to sleep with a man (or boy). There is a hovering 3 Date rule which suggests if a woman doesn’t wait at least until the 3rd date to allow things to progress to the bedroom she is acting inappropriately, sending the wrong message- because as our society has taught us, it is the woman’s responsibility to control the libido of both herself and her suitor. Compounding the social implication of this rule is the personal fear every woman has that once she has slept with her suitor he will lose interest just as hers grows deeper.

There is no escaping the fact we currently live within a culture in which women are still objectified and men have greater fiscal and political power. The result is an environment in which sex often has vastly different meaning for men and women. Men conquer their partners as sex with a new woman is like taking possession of a new commodity. Women enter the bedroom with for more trepidation, and hope. This is not to say that at any given time any man or woman would not just view sex as sex, that is absolutely plausible. These are just normative behaviors; allowing for outliers.

With all this pressure, a woman makes her decision of when to take her relationship into the bedroom not solely on what is personally right and comfortable for her, but within this turmoil of societal constraint to be a good girl and out of fear of losing a man because she’s given him what he’s hunting for too early on- as if the right timing is the key to happily ever after. It’s not the woman’s responsibility to create a gentleman out of a dog. If he’s going to be a schmuck after you sleep with him on date 1, he’ll be a schmuck after date 10.

What is a girl to do? Well, stop obsessing over the rules, if it feels right for you, go with it. Of course, you may end up with your heart on your sleeve, and a little (or a lot) broken because of it, but perhaps a heart is better off a little worse for wear than unused.