The pain of compromise

Every woman has been side-swiped by a break-up. We’ve been dumped, and never saw it coming. And, damn, does it hurt. The break-up hurts, but the shock of it all hurts more, as often than not. It’s not seeing it coming, thinking everything is fine, and then, BAM- everything’s changed.

Women naturally take time to care for a relationship. Like sparrows building and maintaining their nest, they flit to and from, with pieces of twig to build and patch, always busy with this bit and that bit. Women do this in romantic and friendly relationships. We check-in, we ask how someone is doing, we try to keep an eye on the progress or health of a relationship. Women also communicate to let others know how we feel about a relationship.

It can be harder for men to do this initially. Men haven’t been taught to play house from the time they could walk. Men aren’t given baby dolls to care for, talk to, check-in with. They are taught to compete against each other, play next to their contemporaries, with minimal relational interaction. In many ways, men get picked up and taken along for a ride in their first relationships. Eventually, though, they can learn to build a nest- the male sparrow brings twigs just as well as the female does.

While men can eventually learn the skills it takes to build a good relationship; they do certainly choose when to use them. It is harder for women to learn to be more selfish in relationships, as men often are. To focus on what a relationship can give them, and determine, focusing only on themselves, if the relationship is satisfactory. Women, in their striving to create a warm and stable nest, are willing to make far more compromises than men are. And in a society in which there are more women than men, this habit becomes even stronger. However, in willing to compromise so much, the woman gives away all her power, instead of securing a partner.

The fact is, today’s woman is pretty amazing. She either has a career, or is starting one. She is educated, and has a mind full of ideas. She has style. She is warm and affectionate. She has a full life. She doesn’t need to continue to compromise with a man that doesn’t see her for who she is. Any man with half a brain would fall over himself trying to keep this woman!


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